hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
