You made me cry and you don't even care
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
