his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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