Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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