WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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