I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
