You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
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Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
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That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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