I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
