im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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