when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
