Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
