Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
