just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
