we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So many bounce houses so little time
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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