What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
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If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
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All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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