DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
