I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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