I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
