I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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