how can u be prego again
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
