you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You made out with two different species that night
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize