My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
