i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
