Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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