dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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