No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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