Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You have to summon your inner elephant
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
