Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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