I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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