So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
