I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
