No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
