he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
