First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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