For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
