forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
