Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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