He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
