The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
