yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
