So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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