im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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