Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
