wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
