My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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