I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
