Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
