I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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