Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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