I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
