Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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