Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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