he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
