Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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