ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
