I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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