ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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