The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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