so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
