do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
