DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Houston, we have a squirter
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
