I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
