My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
