yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
