Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
