I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
