VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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