So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you still have your period?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
