Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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