I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
