I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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