Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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