why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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