She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
