You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
