I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
