its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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