i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
