Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
